


What Chilly Thunder

by ckit3



Category: Original Work, Poetry - Fandom
Genre: Emotions, Freeverse, Gen, Life and Love, My Poetry, Why Did I Write This?, thoughts
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-08
Updated: 2017-05-10
Packaged: 2018-10-29 10:36:27
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 73
Words: 7,204
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10852233
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ckit3/pseuds/ckit3
Summary: I didn't know you could post this here so I made the decision to post my poetry.    I work in freeverse only.,on various subjects,life,love,dreams,hope.our hidden shadows and more. Please be respectful and do not share  poems without credit and do not use anywhere else without permission as these are all under copywright,and my  original works.Not sure anyone would be interested but it would be good to have all of it here just in case.I always enjoyed writing my poetry,maybe I will write more someday soon.Why the odd title?  I can't explain. I have no idea why it sounded interesting at thetime..... and it was well received on the other site  so why not?Everything here  .........©.by: Karen D. Damon





	1. Hidden Storms

Laughing   
but only on the outside   
while in my soul   
a storm is gathering   
strengthening   
waiting for me to weaken   
wear the mask   
of happiness   
still the depths   
of the storm widen   
soon to be inescapable   
the grief   
for an emotion I never knew   
walls protect me   
surrounding my soul   
but the storm builds   
outside them   
someday   
the walls may break   
to set me free   
and I might fly   
in cloudless skies


	2. Changes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> if you can believe it,this one was actually published in my college magazine

One leaf falls   
then another   
like the slow,tired   
drifting of snow   
that will soon come   
in a colorful quilt   
they cover the ground   
below a half bare tree   
a burst of color   
and they fall   
leaves have the deaths   
of firecrackers   
on the Fourth of July   
one brilliant moment   
and they are gone!


	3. The Last Flower

on a visit to the beach   
i discovered three flowers   
hidden among the pebbles   
on impulse   
i chose two   
and threw them out into the ocean   
sitting on the rocky shore   
i watched the waves   
as they tossed the flowers   
making them appear   
then dissappear beneath the water   
in due time   
one returned to the shore   
picking it up   
i regarded the ocean   
wondering how it had chosen   
which to keep   
and which to return   
then with my treasure   
i returned home   
leaving the last flower   
alone on the shore.


	4. Reflections on a past Mistake

I thought of you   
as it sometimes happens   
and I wondered   
why I care   
it should not matter   
not this much   
after all   
its been a long time   
and the relationship   
such as it was   
had its effect on only me   
you either could not   
or would not   
feel the way I did   
you shut me out   
refusing all I offered   
and it was everything   
that made me what I am   
I tried to hate you   
but found it impossible   
I only feel betrayed   
cheated out of something   
rightfully mine   
do you think of me   
I am older now   
but not much wiser   
I still think of you   
and though scars you created   
have healed   
leaving me numb   
and confused   
I loved   
you did not

that was the mistake


	5. Silent Question

I trusted   
I would have done anything   
if only you had asked   
for a time   
life was better   
I had hope   
now I sit here   
in confusion   
You ignored me   
playing with my emotions   
as if I were a piano   
I did not see it then   
I was blind   
to this part of you   
I want to know   
why-and how   
you can be so cruel   
don't you know   
I cried   
until I wanted to scream   
but I knew you would not listen   
I did nothing to deserve   
the way you treated me   
I did care about you   
we were close   
I don't understand   
why you broke me   
I can't ask   
I doubt I will ever accept   
though I can't change   
how you feel   
my mind screams in silence   
the question that will never   
reach you   
why?


	6. Time

Time   
if you and I had more   
I would be happy   
more than I   
ever dreamed possible   
when I am with you   
I feel   
alive   
and different   
a new emotion   
never felt before   
I want to scream   
hold me   
tell me you will never   
let go   
that forever   
is ours to share   
but it is not allowed   
for our time   
has ended


	7. Consequences

The tree is bare now   
in preparation for winter   
shuddering in crisp wind   
birds are flying   
testing their wings   
in a cold blue sky   
they must go   
and I must stay   
in the ruins of my life   
this is not my home   
but knowing   
that I should not be here   
does no good   
life gives me   
few choices   
I do what I must   
not thinking of what might be   
until it is far too late


	8. Reflections

Looking in the mirror   
I saw a different person   
than the one I saw before   
the changes came abruptly   
without warning   
the barriars I created   
in defense   
now have cracks   
because of you they broke   
I did not notice   
until this moment   
I see the world   
in a different way   
my view has changed   
subtly   
without realizing it   
you battled my defenses   
strange how you never saw   
what you did   
you left me here   
confused   
wondering where I must go   
which path should I take   
and where will it bring me   
I called you friend   
and you said I was special   
in your heart   
I stand here now   
watching you walk past   
without a word   
don't let go yet   
when I have just discovered   
how much you meant to me   
If you want this distance   
I will do it   
but only because   
I would do anything for you even that


	9. Heart and Mind

Friendship   
is that all it was   
at first I did not expect   
even that   
my heart betrayed   
what my mind stored   
in its most secret depths   
concealed from me   
I cared   
more than I thought possible   
now I am trying   
to sort the confusion   
my heart   
and my mind created   
nothing seems right anymore   
not since we parted   
I feel more alone   
than ever before   
and I really don't know   
what I should do   
which I should believe   
the heart   
or the mind   
my heart   
often gets me into trouble   
and my mind   
doesn't let me know   
until it is too late   
is it too late   
now?


	10. Courage

How do you   
gain the courage needed   
to break the ties   
and heal the wounds   
of the past   
I don't wish to forget   
it wouldn't be right   
and I could not bear   
to go on without   
the memories   
I only want   
to leave it all behind   
without wondering-   
what could have been   
or thinking of things   
never said   
never done   
that might have changed   
the outcome   
we all want to change   
the past   
that shaped our present   
knowing in our hearts   
that we never can


	11. Journey

Show me the way   
out of confusion   
I need something   
I can not name   
before you   
it did not exist   
not for me   
show me the way   
out of shadows   
into the light   
I used to know   
if only I could go back   
to when didn't know   
what was missing   
show me the way   
to trust again   
so I might be able   
to reach out   
and find someone   
willing to accept my hand   
no longer fearing   
what may happen   
show me the way   
to feel   
for it is cold here   
with no-one   
to give me warmth   
and I would enjoy   
the company   
to share the things   
hidden deep inside   
show me the way   
to make dreams   
into reality   
because they are all I have   
my memories   
are few and scattered   
by time   
show me the way   
to love   
it is what I want   
most of all   
to find someone   
the only one   
who will love me always and never leave me


	12. Mirror

I live and breathe   
a dream   
reality seems so far   
distant from me   
at times   
that I fear   
if I reach out   
to grasp something   
my hand will fade   
and disappear   
because it was never   
really there


	13. Searching

I can see you   
and hear you   
but when I try to fnd you   
or at least   
just to touch   
there is nothing there   
stumbling through   
my dreams   
and my life   
I am searcing   
nearly desperate   
feeling that you need me   
as I do you   
but I can not find you   
perhaps you're only   
the product of my mind   
still I need hope   
or even the possibility   
the dream provides   
and if wishes   
could come true   
I would be with you   
knowing the reality


	14. Dreams of Love

I dreamed of him   
last night   
every night   
there was only him   
and me   
and the need   
a kiss-   
strange how a dream   
can sometimes feel so real   
yet I woke   
always   
before events   
could come to their   
ultimate conclusion   
I love in dreams   
only there   
for reality denies me opportunity   
to feel   
I live in pursuit of a dream   
for I have   
little else


	15. A Request

I don't know you   
but I would like to   
I don't know where you are   
but if you will tell me   
I will come to you   
all I ask   
is that you love me   
for now   
and for all time   
can that really be   
such an impossibility?


	16. Signs

I stand here   
waiting for a sign   
anything that would tell me   
that you are the one   
I've waited so long for   
but how can I believe   
after all the times it frightens me   
I can do nothing   
but admit that   
no-one likes to be the fool   
still   
we all face it   
if we wish to seek   
the often elusive love   
I have doubts   
and I wonder   
when I get there   
will there be anything   
for me   
the pain-   
ah,yes-the pain..   
I have known that   
the pleasure remains   
a long sought stranger   
that I would want   
to know better   
if I dared to ask   
would you help me   
or leave me   
as so many others   
have done before


	17. Thoughts

How soon is someday?   
How far is too far   
and how long is too long?   
these settle in my mind   
troubling me   
in their intensity   
the years are passng   
so quickly   
and I am only getting older   
it has been so long   
I dare not hope anymore   
and I promised   
I would never again   
be hurt that way   
why is it   
that I must be here alone   
while all I see   
are the lucky ones   
if the best hings   
truly are worth the wait   
then someday   
when my day comes   
and I meet with the love   
denied me for all these years   
it will have to be   
incredible   
or I am afraid   
I will be disappointed


	18. Looking Behind

When I look behind  
sometimes I see only shadows  
laced with pain  
once in awhile  
there is light and happiness  
so many decisions  
I regret making  
for it made the path harder  
and somehow lonlier  
I never wanted this to happen  
things just seem to happen this way  
the future can only improve  
I suppose  
though it is difficult to believe  
so much easier  
to say here in my world  
hiding from things  
I am not sure of  
this I'm used to  
and change can be frightening  
at times  
I've been here so long  
it seems my home  
and outside is a foreign land  
I have never known love  
I doubt I would recognize it  
having been fooled so many times  
I walk here in my shadows  
watching the world beyond  
wondering  
and waiting quietly  
just in case  
I might be wrong


	19. Along the Way

We used to be friends   
but now I can't seem to   
allow myself to care   
anymore   
there are just too many   
unanswered questions   
things I do not   
understand   
and may never   
he was a friend too   
in the beginning   
and more than that   
in the ending   
misunderstandings   
can ruin the feelings   
making you distrust   
pulling you away   
if I see you again   
maybe we could talk   
and clear away   
all the fog   
but sometimes the things   
lost along the way   
can never be regained


	20. Solace

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a short poem

There is no solace   
no true rest   
for a mind and soul   
haunted by the ghosts   
of dreams murdered   
before they had a chance   
to live


	21. Unexplored

I walk  
an unexplored path  
though it is well worn  
far behind  
I do not know  
where it leads  
or if tomorrow  
I will still  
walk the same path  
a corner turned  
often takes me down  
a different road  
so much left behind  
places only  
passed through  
glanced at  
before continuing on my way  
to wherever I must go  
a power leads me  
one I trust  
to show me the direction  
that will lead me home  
though I have no idea  
where that home may be  
a voice tells me  
keep walking  
don't look back  
days pass-creating years  
memories  
before I wish them to be  
my curiosity  
and hope for better things  
makes me go on  
into the unknown  
if I leave you behind  
before it seemed right  
forgive me  
I only do  
what I must


	22. Truth

Why do I keep hoping  
is it only  
that I am playing the fool  
believing in something  
that for me  
does not exist  
that I can not  
accept the truth  
though I am not sure  
what that truth is  
am I ugly-  
is this the reason  
noone can love me  
I don't try to  
nor do I wish to  
get hurt  
still,it happens  
constantly  
they say it's what  
inside that counts  
that love comes to everyone  
in due time  
talk is cheap  
Am I really so very bad  
that you choose to ignore me  
perhaps it is selfish  
but I want to be loved  
and to share that love  
no matter what  
though I hate myself for it  
I hope someday  
I will turn around  
and you will be there  
arms wide  
to hold me close  
and say everything  
will be allright now  
let that day come soon  
and let this battle end


	23. It was I

It was I   
who allowed the feelings   
to get a hold on me   
letting my heart   
rule in place of my mind   
it was I   
who did not notice   
how close I was coming   
to you   
how much I really   
needed you   
in time to sop   
maybe it was only me   
who cared that much   
and I guess it is only fair   
that I suffer   
for my own actions   
but sometimes it hurts   
more than I can bear   
and I would give anything   
just for it to end   
and let me go on   
to rebuild my life   
it was I   
who dared to love   
so it will be I   
who pays the price   
when that love   
was not returned


	24. Wounds

The say time   
heals all wounds   
emotional   
or physical   
the truth is   
that it doesn't   
time numbs   
making the hurt   
less recognizable   
hiding it deep within   
emotional pain   
can last forever   
leaving its scars   
on us all   
experience teaches   
lessons in survival


	25. Hidden storms

Laughing   
but only on the outside   
while in my soul   
a storm is gathering   
strengthening   
waiting for me to weaken   
wear the mask   
of happiness   
still the depths   
of the storm widen   
soon to be inescapable   
the grief   
for an emotion I never knew   
walls protect me   
surrounding my soul   
but the storm builds   
outside them   
someday   
the walls may break   
to set me free   
and I might fly   
in cloudless skies


	26. Waiting

What is it   
that you call love   
I mean,the special kind   
that only two share   
close,..forever   
I have never felt it   
never   
though I reach out   
no-one reaches back   
and I stand here   
alone   
in shadows   
forgotten by something   
I do not understand   
a stranger   
to that love   
even a small fraction   
an innocent bystander   
watching   
and waiting   
for it is all   
I can do


	27. Ashes on the Wind

It hurts-   
oh god- it hurts   
to see what   
I can never have   
they fall in love   
they marry   
maybe they only date   
but it hurts me   
more than I want   
to not feel   
to give   
and never receive   
you who do not understand   
have no solution   
so spare me   
the false hopes   
for tomorrows   
that never come   
a torture   
I can face no longer   
if giving up   
is what must be done   
then so be it!   
take my dreams   
let them burn   
scatter the ashes   
on the winds   
releasing me   
from obligation


	28. The Competition

There   
look on the competition   
the great body   
the one who says   
we do not understand   
the tortures   
of being beautiful   
I wish I knew   
the men follow her   
like a pack of dogs   
leaving me   
in the dust   
is it really torture?   
then let me carry the burden   
and you may   
carry mine   
let us see   
who wants to go first


	29. Eyes of a Stranger

In dreams I seek you   
yet only in dreams   
do I find   
waking   
it is an endless search   
in the eyes of strangers   
for a connection lost   
when love I once knew   
died in my arms   
I could not save it   
not alone   
though I tried   
I did try   
and it is hard to hope   
with no other choice   
I live in wait   
for the day I discover   
a dream   
in the eyes of a stranger


	30. Beyond the Walls

Waiting for the tears   
that will not come   
I wonder at what once was   
and linger on things   
never to be   
a child's dreams   
of how life should be   
never seem to resemble reality   
deep inside me   
I feel the pulling   
as if something out there   
beyond the glass walls   
of my fortress   
is calling to me   
but I am in the labrynthe   
far from rescue   
with failing hopes   
and a long dead dream   
the darkness wants me   
I hide in shadows   
until it passes   
if it catches me   
I will escape   
still there is that voice   
at the edge of my mind   
a glimpse of someone   
and a place so beautiful   
it tears at my soul   
even I can not discover   
the path out of my prison   
it is so hard to believe   
that anything truly exists   
beyond these walls


	31. Sickness of the Heart

A sickness of the heart   
and the soul   
it eats away at the very fabric   
of my existence   
to the very core of me   
insatiable   
doubt can be that way   
I can not erase   
or even heal   
the harm it causes   
I want so much to believe   
in a vision of such light   
complete wondrous glory   
yet I feel unworthy   
then come the doubts   
so much hidden pain and anger   
how can one so selfish   
be allowed into the light   
I feel a great power   
pulling me towards something   
away from the darkness   
toward you


	32. Night Rainbows

inside every dream 

are the seeds of reality 

if you wish to feed them 

and allow them to grow 

deep inside all of us 

I believe 

we want rainbows in the night 

crossing the starlit sky 

in brilliant colors 

reminding us of what can be 

if only we believe 

in ourselves 

and the beauty we hold 

sometimes too far away 

from sight and sound 

we believe what we are told 

the good and the bad 

and too often we forget 

that one who knows us 

accepts us and loves us 

despite all that we are 

seek your night rainbow 

and perhaps one day we will all see 

that nothing is truly impossible 

and rainbows will glow bright 

in your night


	33. Unexpected

You make me wonder   
if there is posibility   
even with all the failure   
that exists behind me   
how unexpected you are   
a surprise   
to one who drifted   
deep into the pit of doubt   
you see I keep expecting   
something to happen   
as it has so often before   
to end things before they begin   
for you to disappear   
for me to disappoint   
I can not explain   
how it is I feel   
or why   
for somehow   
this is not the same   
as it has been before   
if I hope   
will it be crushed once more   
we have not met   
yet I feel   
something   
I dare not wish for too much   
knowing what can happen   
not wanting to hurt   
or to be hurt   
I wonder   
if you will be glad   
for knowing me


	34. At the Edge

There is danger   
in wandering these borders   
between light and dark   
but it is where I first saw you   
in a dream   
once you have been there   
it is impossible   
to escape its grip again   
a constant battle for sanity   
a strong foothold   
at the pit's edge   
can aid in your attempt   
preventing a fiery demise   
I wait here sometimes   
calling out your name   
praying you will hear me   
and respond   
find me   
if you can indeed hear me   
in all this chaos I need you


	35. Beyond this Place

There is a safety   
a warmth   
in your arms   
I wish I could take with me   
everywhere I go   
beyond this place   
that we share   
who knew a touch   
a mere glance   
could mean so much   
and turn my stubborn   
sometimes arrogant   
often selfish being   
into something more   
beyond this place   
I doubt what I feel   
questioning and wondering   
why one like you   
would ever truly love me   
could the queen of failure   
find something so wondrous?   
no matter what I do   
in attempt to test this bond   
expecting you to leave me   
as others before you have   
you never do..


	36. Restless

The restless souls   
may find comfort   
one day   
the wounds will heal   
all pain will fade   
a mere memory   
of what was   
lost in what will be   
sweet possibility   
flooding our senses   
easing our minds   
cooling the fire   
that burns within   
through gracious light   
made free


	37. Freedom in You

Why do I keep running   
when I always end up here   
where I started   
facing you   
and a secret held deep   
in my heart   
I search for freedom in others   
only now to think   
perhaps freedom is not what want   
you are trying to tell me   
the truth   
but do I dare face it   
have I tavelled   
only to find myself   
here with you once more   
the demons thought defeated   
perhaps not enemies   
I have forgotten something   
remembered only   
when I look into your eyes   
is what I always wanted   
there after all?


	38. Alone in my Room

Here alone in my room   
I lay on my bed   
thinking of you   
wondering why you are not here   
if I shut my eyes   
blocking out the world   
and will it enough   
would you appear   
there in the doorway   
with just that look   
and that smile   
if I offer my hand   
would you accept it   
coming to join me   
here on my bed   
should I open my eyes   
you would be gone   
lost in sweet darkness   
so I remain here   
waiting for the dreams   
that might bring me   
to where you wait for me


	39. Warrior

You are my warrior   
though you are not exactly   
as I imagined you would be   
for you are no dark knight   
riding the winds of shadow   
that is not you at all   
do you ever realize   
my only love   
how bright it is   
that light within you   
how many battles you win   
without sword   
or fear   
if only I could take away   
the things of this life   
that seek to harm you   
there should never be   
pain in your heart   
or tears in your eyes   
but is a life without struggle   
truly lived   
and I wonder   
would I ever be happy   
with a knight content   
spending all his time   
polishing his armor   
perhaps your armor is tarnished   
but your soul is bright   
and your heart is mine


	40. Solitary

These solitary conversations   
occurring at night   
when I lay down   
immersed in the comfort   
of my bed   
sleep eludes me   
when thoughts overtake me   
invading the silence   
the wonderings   
over things of the day   
of life   
and possibilities   
things left behind   
so very long ago   
escaping   
I float beyond   
into the place inside   
I call my own   
a private refuge   
it still exists   
that turmoil   
of thought and dream   
hope and fear   
ahhh but how dare it invade me   
when I am most vulnerable   
so easy to defend   
in daylight   
when the mind is busy with other matters now I seek only to sleep and a better day to come


	41. Why aren't you here?

On nights like these   
how I wish   
you were here with me   
I want so much   
to touch you   
to remember how you feel   
how you look   
what lies hidden   
beneath what you wear   
be warmed in your arms   
comforted and safe   
now it is as if   
a piece of me   
was stolen far away   
my soul longs   
for what is missing   
you really should be here   
why aren't you here   
I want you to be here   
with me   
right now at this moment   
not any other   
I have no wish to wait   
ah my love why aren't you here?


	42. Lazy Summer Days

Drifting on summer sun   
floating on a warm breeze   
over sparkling seas   
in my mind   
I am carried away   
to places I have never seen   
nor may I ever see   
people I had nearly forgotten   
summers spent   
without a care   
wandering on the beach   
my feet in wet sand   
watching the waves   
as they tease and play   
why should we feel guilty   
for one lazy day   
spent doing nothing   
but enjoying summer even if it is only in our minds


	43. After the Dream

The dream itself   
did not die   
just your part in it   
it lives on   
even in your absence   
and beyond the pain   
there is relief   
I believe that   
I have to   
the hope might be faint   
still it keeps me going   
we all need   
a reason to get up   
in the morning   
the hope   
that perhaps this day   
will be better   
than the last


	44. After so long

Why is it so hard to believe   
that after so long   
you still love me   
that maybe forever is still possible   
I need and want you   
all that is you   
body,heart and soul   
even to their darkest depths   
after so long apart   
it still burns   
wishing you were here   
not a card or a picture   
I pray we can be together soon   
that our love really can last   
together in joy   
together in pain   
and even apart   
the bond will remain   
is it you,really you?   
come to me soon   
take away my fears   
hold me   
and if it is in your heart   
do not let me go   
I need so much just to believe


	45. A Degree Beyond

To the seriousness   
of a degree beyond insanity   
seeking truth in dreams   
filtered by shadows   
on the rim of a pit   
unending darkness   
and hints of fire   
never wishing to discover   
being nothing   
flying in dreams   
simply existing   
as I attempt   
to reach the light   
eluding me constantly   
fighting the fear   
and the doubts   
and the love   
most difficult to express   
or to allow   
reality is so inconsistent   
dream is all


	46. Autumn Winds

The wind is chill   
you can feel winter coming   
standing here   
watching as it blows the leaves   
playing with them   
as they fall from the trees   
scattering them   
all over the ground   
like falling hopes and dreams   
why does autumn feel   
so much like endings   
watching as birds fly   
in perfect formation   
heading on their way   
time passes so quickly   
was it not summer   
only yesterday   
intruding on my quiet reflections   
my somber solace   
on things long ago and far away   
you find your way to me   
holding me from behind   
drawing me into your warmth   
watching the wind   
as it takes away everything else


	47. Freedom

shall I tell mother   
we are to be free   
look upon the fields once barren   
now bright and alive with spring   
life in abundance,fluttering softly   
like a butterfly   
with wings of purest light   
sing of love beyond all boundaries   
fly away with my soul   
touching each new flower   
startling drops of dew   
and causing them to fall   
like tears   
go to the house,bring her out   
the sun is rising   
bringing warmth to lands   
once cold and forbidden.


	48. Take my Hand

Take my hand   
lead me away from here   
dance with me   
take me to where you are   
to the peace and solace   
in your arms   
you held me once   
I wish you would again   
I want to look in your eyes   
one more time   
remember who I am   
and who I will be   
do I ask too much?   
a moment   
just for us to share   
I feel time going so fast   
I need your strength   
to continue on   
why am I so uncertain   
about everything but you   
stay with me   
a little while   
as the darkness threatens   
I need your light   
a dance to last   
through all time   
just you   
just me   
and a music that plays   
for us alone   
in your presence   
I have no fear,no doubt   
I pray this feeling will last   
long enough to give me courage   
to face the darkness   
stay with me now and always   
and I will go on


	49. Don't you Know

Don't you know   
that I need you   
don't you care   
if I spend my nights alone   
have you ever been alone   
sometimes   
I go to sleep   
imagining you there with me   
and sometmes   
I only cry   
being your friend   
is not what I wanted   
I could not bear knowing   
you would never be mine   
fear and distrust   
have been molded into me   
from years of hurt   
I need time   
and someone who cares   
enough to love me   
I just don't want   
to spend another night   
alone


	50. Nature of the conflict

The nature of the conflict   
arises from the want   
of a simple thing   
yet the thought of it   
frightens me   
here in a world uncertain   
where I hide in shadows   
you came to me   
now I can not lose you   
yet what will I do   
should we go on   
as it seems destined   
in my heart   
I want so much   
to share forever with you   
but it scares me   
if you never ask   
if this is not what you want   
my fragile hopes   
will die   
if you do   
my heart will soar   
please understand   
this conflict between hope and fear   
fades when I am with you   
in the lonely solace   
of my room   
in night's long depths   
sometimes I wonder   
if you are only a dream   
as such things were before   
when you are away   
I wonder if you will not return   
I can not ask you to stay   
but I do not want you to go   
all I ask   
is that you never stop   
loving me


	51. Duet

This poem was written as a combination of a love letter written to me and my responses to his words. It starts with his words first then mine and continues in that manner..

 

Thinking of you   
is like   
nothing else 

 

How can you leave me here   
it seems so cold   
so very far from you   
alone   
while my world falls apart 

 

you are in my mind   
every single minute 

 

tell me what I must do   
to make you stay   
I need you here   
how can I dare   
ask you not to go 

 

I know how you feel   
and you know   
how I feel   
it will take longer   
than we thought 

 

In my mind   
we talk,we dance,we love   
you are always   
just beyond my reach   
your voice in my mind   
could drive me insane   
waking from dreams of you   
a tear falls slowly   
down my face 

 

just keep me in mind   
like I do you 

 

mind and body exhausted   
I cry here alone   
not wishing to   
but without any other choice


	52. No more Pain

No more pain   
that's all I ask   
and it seems   
impossible   
I'm alone tonight   
and I need you   
but I can't have you   
it hurts   
so much it seems   
my soul is being torn   
into pieces   
I can not stop it   
I cry out for you   
but you will not come   
and the pain keeps building   
help me   
or I fear tomorrow   
and what it will bring   
will I even see you again   
if not,what then?   
my dreams are dying tonight   
and I can not stop it   
only you can   
and I know you won't   
I wish   
by some miracle   
you would come to me   
tonight   
take me away from here   
and the pain


	53. True to the Heart

True to the heart   
a moment in time   
there is nothing more   
than you and I   
and what we share   
may the world fall away   
and leave us be   
two souls wandering   
searching   
who found   
reaching out into emptiness   
discovering someone   
reaching back   
timeless   
whether destiny   
or mere chance   
in the shadows   
two become one   
an all too brief dance   
gone far too soon   
and alone   
facing the light


	54. A Heart's Trust

Can I trust you   
with my heart   
many times broken   
dreams shattered   
while those I loved   
turned and walked away   
there is no greater lie   
than one spoken of love   
when none exists   
all my life   
I have known you existed   
so very long   
I have searched for you   
hoping   
and praying   
are you the one   
or must I move on   
once more alone   
will you reach for me   
take my hand   
and lead me home   
or is this all illusion   
created by a heart   
so deeply scarred


	55. Reunion

ust you and me   
on the clouds of eternity   
the crowds in heaven part   
as you walk toward me   
smiling   
too long has it been   
but now it seems   
only a moment   
since last we met   
did we not vow   
forever would we love?   
my doubts seem nothing   
in your arms   
they fade with the pain   
and the fear   
now we dance   
you holding me close   
as if we were never apart   
to the music of angels   
and love's pure song   
in our hearts.


	56. On Angel's Wings

On angel's wings   
will you fly to me   
I watch the skies   
each day   
each night   
hoping   
but somehow I remain   
alone   
are you real   
I wonder even at this moment   
so very long   
after the impossible   
was made possible   
thinking of you   
I believe   
even though we are apart   
somehow   
we are together   
aren't we?   
can you send the world away   
tell everyone to go   
and leave us be   
then we could be together   
in reality


	57. The Candle

A candle burns for you   
forever   
in the window of my soul   
I know where you are   
for I have seen you there   
and watched the Lord smile   
as He greeted you   
yet I can not reach you   
between here and there   
is an eternity   
so I burn the candle   
in silent memory   
of all that was   
for time can quiet   
but can it truly heal? 

 

..........for all those we lose along the way.   
I


	58. Remember me

Remember me   
in times of deepest need   
remember all we have shared   
you and I   
and all I have taught you   
fly high my little bird   
reach into the heavens once more   
I will be here   
waiting for you   
there are no doubts   
you may place in your mind   
that I can not overcome   
the road you travel is not easy   
much of it is dark and unexplored   
but you travel it well   
I watch over your travels   
when all around you is darkness   
remember the Light   
it shines always   
when you have nowhere left to turn   
return to me   
when they do not listen or understand   
talk to me   
and remember the promise   
as I wait   
when you are lost   
I will find you   
and carry you home   
when there is sorrow   
share it with me   
and we will see it through   
there is nothing   
we cannot overcome  
you and I   
Remember me   
I wait for you.


	59. Sleeper - a kind of dark short poem

There is a sleeper   
with a secret desire   
one prayer   
for one simple request-   
asking only that   
he may never wake   
to face the new day


	60. Questions on love

Though I go over this   
a thousand times   
in my mind   
the should I   
or shouldn't I   
a question   
disturbing my soul   
I only know this   
I want to   
all I hear   
are the don't do its   
the ones   
who wish to protect me   
from the things   
I dream of   
I wish they would leave me   
and let me think   
clearly again   
all of the probems   
the questions   
gone from my mind   
it feels right   
but it may be too soon   
and how do you now   
that is is   
or that it isn't   
I only get confused   
and frustrated   
because I know   
all the dangers   
and the risks   
but at times   
it does not matter   
even though it should   
I suppose   
you love me   
I see it in you   
in everything of you   
but will it live on   
or will I be alone   
in the end   
as it usually happens   
I feel   
at the edge of something new   
wanting to go over   
but stopped   
by questions   
by the dangers   
I wish with all my heart   
that I knew   
the answers


	61. Darkness and Light

You are the darkness   
to my light   
the music   
to my words   
the dream   
finally made reality   
teaching me   
leading me   
though I can find   
no reason why   
I stopped trying   
to figure it out   
how far we may go   
I do not know   
but I want to take this   
as far as possible   
for as long   
as it may last   
stay with me   
and I swear   
together we can   
face the world   
with a love   
that knows no boundaries   
and a strength   
to last forever


	62. The key to me

A thousand dreams   
a hundred emotions   
locked   
in a world of silence   
caught by things   
done in the past   
scars of wounds   
that healed long ago   
perhaps   
someone has the key   
and the patience   
to discover what lies   
protected here inside   
the walls of my fortress   
perhaps this one   
will know   
it would be worth the hardship   
if such a one   
does not exist   
then the silence   
of my heart   
will forever continue


	63. Only a Dream

You love me   
I know its true   
in your eyes   
it sparkles like light   
in crystalline depths   
seen in a face   
known for an instant   
never forgotten   
you are my love   
my life   
sometimes   
the only thing I want   
or need   
no matter what else   
exists in the world   
so many options   
so many choices   
a myriad of possibility   
but without you   
it means little   
there is no better place   
than in your arms   
yet-I wake   
it is only a dream   
it is always   
only a dream


	64. Memory of you

In the times   
when I am most lonely   
when the restlessness   
fills my soul   
making me long for things   
I do not have   
and places   
I have never seen   
why is it you   
I remember   
the one I never really knew   
the maybe-friend   
and perhaps more   
if time had allowed   
and the misunderstandings   
never happened   
I feel lost   
in these times   
when I am most weak   
and in need of guidance   
now   
not later   
do I wish to be held   
and perhaps kissed   
until I know   
what I am missing   
is you


	65. Dying Love

In the beginning   
so new   
precious and exciting   
you don't realize then   
how fragile it can be   
I loved   
still you left me alone   
far too long   
I felt the love die   
though I tried   
you came back   
nothing was right   
not really   
I wish something could   
save me   
rescue the love   
I find myself thinking   
it would not hurt you   
not much   
if I left you   
as you left me   
do you see the shadows   
in my eyes   
could you feel the pain   
and would it matter to you   
I wonder   
my heart is wandering   
my soul crying   
is it truly me you wanted   
needed   
or are you here   
because I am all you have   
I need to believe again   
the pain grows   
ever so slowly   
dragging me under   
a flood of tears   
do I have the courage   
to face the truth?   
I only know   
that I must do   
what must be done   
here or there   
you or someone else   
only one path is right   
if only I find the way


	66. The First Time

The first time   
I dreamed of you   
you were difficult to find   
and then to follow   
no door could stand in my way   
fom there   
we have travelled to gardens   
of such beauty   
no words can express   
the peace there   
and I remember   
at least I believe I do   
you calling me back   
from a flight into the light   
who are you   
haunter of my dreams   
loving me   
then abandoning me   
all in one night   
over and over it happens   
making me want no other   
a symptom of insanity   
or strange reality   
mirroring only a desire   
or truth in existence   
I would do anything   
for the love I feel   
concealed in those dreams   
to share it with someone   
would it be you   
or someone else   
could I truly love   
are there answers   
or only silence   
in response to my prayers


	67. Unworthy

I respond in anger   
to the confusion   
or denial   
of anything   
it is not   
the absence of love   
and emotion   
only the feeling   
of being unworthy   
no more than that   
see beyond the fog   
I create   
I ask you to find me   
amidst the crowds   
of those in need   
my heart is yours   
if you know the key   
that will unlock my soul


	68. The danger in Wandering

There is a danger   
in wandering these borders   
between the light   
and the dark   
but it is how I first saw you   
in a dream   
in the lands between   
once you have been there   
it can be quite dificult   
to escape its grasp again   
a strong foothold   
at the edge of the pit   
can aide in escaping   
a fiery demise   
I wait here sometimes   
calling out your name   
praying you will hear me   
and respond   
find me   
if you can indeed hear me   
in all this chaos   
I need you


	69. Crash and Burn

If you would forgive me   
I believe   
I just crashed to the ground   
burning   
and I wonder   
what would happen   
should the phoenix not rise   
this time   
did you know   
how hard it would be   
this burden   
you give us   
and how it would hurt   
when you turn your back   
unwilling to see   
unable to hold us   
when we cry   
this becoming   
the changing from caterpillar   
to butterfly   
is not as it seems   
for what would happen   
should the caterpillar   
wish to remain


	70. In Time

In time   
you have told me   
all will be revealed   
the answers to questions   
the meaning to it all   
in time   
we will understand   
and accept   
the pain and the death   
the sadness and the loss   
in time   
good will overcome   
the evils of this world   
light defeating darkness   
and true peace will reign   
in time   
you will return to us   
and take us home   
to where there is no need   
no want   
in time   
we might forget the pain   
our souls fill with joy   
and serenity   
walking with you   
I wonder at this world   
how long can we exist   
this way   
using and destroying   
selfish and stubborn   
unwilling and unchanging   
I pray   
there will be a way   
to save us   
in time


	71. Timeless

A thousand lifetimes   
have we journied   
you and I   
to find ourselves here   
once more together   
yet still apart   
our souls find each other   
always   
in a dance   
timeless   
love born in light   
and in shadow   
children of heaven   
and of earth   
you are the strength   
and the courage   
and I the hope   
the fire deep within   
always one   
though we may be apart   
for that is our destiny   
to be timeless


	72. The Walker in Shadows

The walker in shadowa   
dwelt in a world   
of its own creation   
most of fantasy   
little of reality   
far from others   
who might cause harm   
there has been   
enough pain   
enough tears   
to fill oceans   
the walker in shadows   
watches from the edges   
never quite   
touching the light   
nor does it ever   
venture into the dark   
life here is not easy   
but it has grown used   
to such an existance   
outside it sees the pain   
hears the cries of millions   
in torment   
The walker in shadows   
knows there is no-one   
who can bring it   
into the light   
doubt destroys   
the seedlings of hope   
before they can grow   
the walker in shadows   
watches   
and waits   
wondering if anyone   
would dare the quest   
to save it   
or if it will remain   
here alone for ever   
the walker in shadow   
waits still   
watching as they pass   
never reaching out   
never noticing it at all


	73. Fire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> my newest 5/2017

flowing in my veins

burning 

with inescapable need

and want

and desire

there is no escape

should I even want

such a vile thing

as to be free

unthinkable

though it burns

deep within me

to my very soul

I want so very much

more

always more

insatiable

lying secret 

in the darkest places

no one can see

the truth of me

there is no life

nothing 

without 

I could not exist

this hell is mine

alone

this is a far better one

I think 

than a life without

it burns within me

and I let it

consume me


End file.
